How to handle loss and grief together as a couple?

Understanding the Impact

The first step in breaking free from the shackles of family violence is acknowledging the profound impact it has on every aspect of your life. Family violence can strip survivors of their power, leaving them feeling isolated, terrified, and devoid of agency. It corrodes self-esteem, breeds shame and guilt, and can precipitate a myriad of mental health disorders, including anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Recognising the far-reaching effects of abuse is pivotal in initiating the healing process and laying the groundwork for reclaiming your life.

Challenges of Coping with Loss as a Couple

Coping with the loss of a loved one together as a couple will present a certain set of challenges. These challenges may push the relationship to traverse in a different and abnormal tangent if the challenges are not resolved effectively.

Differences in grieving styles, conflicting emotions, as well as changes in the roles and responsibilities of each partner may lead to misunderstandings. Both spoken and unspoken tensions as well as emotional stress and confusion might be ignited between each other and between other loved ones.

On top of this, partners may struggle with communication barriers, difficulties in expressing emotions, and feelings of isolation or even abandonment. However, you must remember that these are often temporary issues and can be resolved through effective and compatible strategies.

Strategies for Navigating Grief Together

Multiple strategies exist to serve as solutions to help couples to navigate grief due to a loss.

• Communicate openly and honestly:
  Try to create a safe and supportive environment where you and your partner can openly communicate about your thoughts, feelings, fears, and needs. Honesty and transparency with each other about your experiences of grief is important here. Attempt to listen actively without judgment. Sharing memories of your lost loved one and acknowledging the impact of the loss on both of you will be helpful.
• Validate each other’s emotions:
  Validation and giving space for the emotions of each other is important. If you are able to validate and normalise each other’s emotions, even if they differ from your own, it would help you navigate grief effectively. Avoid minimising or dismissing the grief and sentiments of your partner, and instead, offer empathy, validation, and reassurance. If you recognise each other’s coping mechanism and allow space for it while providing unconditional support, it would be helpful. Try not to unnecessarily or forcibly fix or change how the other person feels.
• Maintain a routine and structure:
  Establishing an effective routine and structure in your daily lives in order to provide stability and a sense of predictability during grief is another strategy you can implement. Maintaining regular meals, exercise, sleep patterns, and other activities that bring you both joy and comfort will be useful. Sticking to an amicable plan and building up normal patterns in daily life can alleviate feelings of overwhelm, chaos, uncertainty, and anxiety.
• Seek support both together and individually:
  While it is true that coping jointly with your partner has its own set of benefits, seeking support from others enhance the ability for you and your partner to cope after a loss. Seeking support from other avenues, such as close friends, other family members, and support groups, will allow you to access a wider pool of encouragement and peace.
  If it is needed and if coping with grief has been a difficulty for an elongated duration of time, encouraging each other to seek professional help would help. This could be individual counselling or couple’s therapy. A trained therapist is able to provide the necessary guidance, validation, and coping strategies for you and your partner to navigate grief effectively.
• Practice self-care:
  Self-care and self-compassion is important for both you and your partner as you navigate grief together. Taking time to rest, relax, and engage in activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being is strongly encouraged by professionals. Practising self-compassion by acknowledging your own limitations and setting realistic expectations while being gentle with yourself and your partner will be crucial in coping with loss of a loved one.

Key Takeaways

Coping with loss, including handling grief, as a couple is a challenging and deeply emotional endeavour. The positive aspect of this is that this presents an opportunity for mutual growth, resilience, and a stronger connection. By communicating openly, giving space for each other’s emotions, validating, maintaining an effective routine, and seeking support both together and individually, you will be equipped to cope with loss and grief. It is further important to practise self-care. It is helpful to remember that grief is a natural and individualistic process and one fixed strategy might not help both you and your partner in the same way.

If you and your partner are struggling to cope with loss and would benefit from professional support, you could reach out to Light Mind Counselling & Psychology in Melbourne. Our specialised counsellor, Harshani Algiriya, is experienced in offering compassionate and personalised guidance to couples who are experience grief and loss. With a focus on empathy, communication, and resilience, we are here to help you and your partner navigate through this challenging time and emerge stronger as a couple. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step towards healing and hope.